Plagued by a narcissistic mother? One of the more common relationships which can cause severe psychological damage is without a doubt, a narcissistic mother. We will delve into how to handle this situation and become free from any power they may hold over you.
How To Identify And Deal With a “Narcissistic Mother”
Growing up is hard enough already, but growing up in a home where your mother blames, manipulates and victimizes you, can do nothing wrong, is aggressive and often petty towards you and is immediately defensive and overly sensitive towards criticism, probably signifies that your mother is someone whom society would label as a “Narcissistic Mother”. Narcissism is generally defined as someone who has a disproportionate awareness in or an appreciation of oneself and one’s bodily appearance. However, a broader description of narcissistic behavior also refers to an individual who lacks empathy and the ability to maintain meaningful relationships, is often extremely envious of others and is quick to feel threatened by someone else’s success.
Here Are 6 Easy Ways To Identify A Narcissistic Mother
(These are by no means the only ways to spot a narcissist and you should definitely look at the Narcissist Test too)
1. She regularly violates your boundaries
If you ask her not to bring “that friend” of hers along to an intimate party and she does, this is a clear sign. Another way a narcissistic mother violates your boundaries is by nonchalantly giving away your belongings. She may also ask your husband or wife for money behind your back, even though you said no and asked her not too.
2. She might seem to have a favorite child among you and your siblings
He or she can do no wrong in her eyes, and even though you may have achieved the exact same thing, or something more notable, this is overshadowed by the favorite child’s more insignificant accomplishments.
3. She takes credit for your accomplishments
However, the little acknowledgment that your achievements do receive is dented by your narcissistic mother as she attempts to take all the credit for them as if she has achieved your success for you. She is not supportive of your success and she does not tolerate any attention due to you because of your success.
A narcissistic mother might also try to secretly compete with you. You can easily tell by her constantly comparing herself to you.
4. She wrecks your relationships
She becomes envious of you and as a result she begins to meddle in your relationships, your marriage and even attempts to interfere in the upbringing of your children.
She especially interferes in the relationship between you and your siblings. This will be exhibited as trying to help but under the veil, she loves the drama and likes to secretly create conflict. Especially if it means she gets more attention.
5. She Is Extremely Petty
You’ll see some really childish behavior, like spite and malice. She may subtly try to get even with you for not getting her way. Think “school girl” “playground” issues.
We probably all now Narcissistic people. Some are simply more practiced in the “art” of shielding their narcissism from other people. Whether we have a narcissistic friend or colleague, we are sometimes capable of bearing their overly selfish, attention-seeking, narcissistic personalities as we only have to spend a limited amount of time with them.
But what if the individual who is supposed to nurture, protect and support you, praise and love you unconditionally, is a narcissist, living in the same house as you and just happens to be the person you call mother?
6 Steps To Dealing With a Narcissistic Mother
1. Understanding Their Weakness
No one is born a narcissist, they are unfortunately “made” and by accepting this fact and attempting to understand it, it will help you to understand your mother as she is. Over time, you may even come to realize that most of her behavior is beyond her control, so try to privately forgive her for the person she has been “molded” into by her own life experiences.
2. Commiserate With People, It’s Very Cathartic
Although you may lack the support from your mother, try to remember that you either have a supportive father, and/or supportive sibling/s and/or supportive friends and that the love and care which they bare for you is very similar to that which you lack from your mother.
3. Accept That You Are Not The One At Fault
Even though you may feel responsible in some way for how she is behaving, remember that this is her life. She was alive long before you and had many experiences good and bad, for which you can hold absolutely no responsibility.
4. Try To Break The Control That Your Narcissistic Mother Has Over You
Show her that you do not necessarily require her to be the mother figure that she believes that you need (you have other supportive groups remember). This denies her the opportunity to get her desired response out of you which may result in her curbing her narcissistic mannerisms towards you.
Note: We have seen many examples where the narcissistic mother has learned to “behave” and they become very careful around children who show that they can simply exclude them from their lives whenever they “act out”.
5. Make A Choice
First try to come to terms with your mother’s behavior and accept the fact that it will not change. (It can only be somewhat contained) Practice the points above and on the rest of this website. These will help you to maintain an amicable relationship with her…
However, if this balance simply can’t be achieved, perhaps it’s best to sever all ties with her or keep in contact with her only when strictly necessary. You don’t visit socially, you don’t engage in deep conversations about your life and you generally cut yourself off from her completely. If you do this, do not explain what you are doing. It only sets them off even more.
You are not alone. This problem is much more common than you think and I can assure you, we see it ALL the time. We hope this brief overview of dealing with a narcissistic mother is helpful. Gladly add your own personal experience and comments below.